Why your husband should NOT be your best friend.


When you describe your husband as being your best friend, you may want to think twice about it.   Sure, in a way, it’s adorable when couples consider their spouse to be their bestie.   But, we need to roll it back to reality here.

Your husband is NOT your best friend.   You should not identify most as being your husband’s best friend.   What you are is his wife.

You may be thinking, shouldn’t you be both?!   Let me just plead my case.

1. Let me offer a scenario.

You want to go out.   You ask your friend to go watch that new movie with you.   She’s not sure.   You text her several times begging her to join you the next day for the movie (girl time!).   Maybe you even offer to buy the popcorn.  This is all very good and well for the girlfriends.

Numerously asking your husband to go see the movie, continually texting him to go.   He doesn’t really want to go.   It turns in to you nagging.  It turns in to you pouting.   This is not at all good and well for the husband and wife.

He shouldn’t need to fill the friend void.  And, of course, let’s not underestimate the need for a girl’s night out!

2.   We all have a role to play in each of our relationships.   With your husband,  like it or not, gender roles enter into play. When you are with your friends, gender roles are not really a factor.  It’s a different dynamic.   Case in point- when you’re with your friends, you’re a friend.   When your with your husband, you’re a friend.   Wait…that’s not right…

3.  You should marry someone not because they seem like a great best friend, but because they seem like a great husband!   Qualities of a friend and qualities of a husband overlap, sure.   Yet, traits of a good husband is an entirely different story.

4.   Respect.   Husbands require respect just as wives require to feel loved.   The couple that parties together, isn’t necessarily the couple that is focusing on their partner’s needs.   Being married isn’t about having fun (surprise!).   Treat your husband as your husband.   Focus on being a good wife.   It’s about love and respect.  Trust me, a marriage built on love and respect is worth it.

I currently have a truly great husband.   I absolutely respect him.  I adore him.  We enjoy one another’s company.   On Sundays we enjoy hiking or even going to the grocery store together.   I don’t drag him along for everything I want to go do.   Life experience has led me to this point.

I was married before to a man I considered to be my best friend.   What was lacking was being the best husband or the best wife for that person.   We had fun traveling, eating out, or watching sports.  He did not support me in my endeavors.  We did not kiss each other goodbye.   I did not feel the need to make sure his laundry was done.   I was a fine friend to my ex, but I was not a good wife.   Likewise, he was a fine friend.   He was not a good husband.   We did not respect each other.   It didn’t work.

Not being your husband’s best friend is along the same line as saying you are not your husband’s mother (which is another great point!).  It’s about your approach to your relationship.   I am not my husband’s best friend; I am not his mother.   I am his wife.   Take your wifely duties seriously.   Take finding a good husband seriously.   And, seriously, find yourself some good friends.

Friend time!



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